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[02 Apr 2008|07:44pm] |
I hadn't spoken to Alex in nearly two weeks until today. Everything was going just fine and then all of a sudden it hit me and I couldn't control myself at work. I broke down and called him.
I think watching the home movies is what triggered my emotional break down. I love his cousins but I need to tell them that I can't see that shit anymore. I want to be able to just move on and not have things be awkward because it's really hard not to be friends with someone I've been so close to for over three years... Especially since I'm so close to his family. It wouldn't be hard to be friends if he hadn't decided to hit on some home-schooled sixteen year old. God it's so gross.
I've been keeping myself very busy lately so that I don't have to think about what's happened. I guess I just realized that nothing is going to be the same again and it's more difficult to accept than I thought it would be.
ANYWAY, I think Travis is going to move in with me in June. It will be a lot less lonely in my little pool house once I have a roommate.
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[01 Mar 2008|03:22am] |
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I've completely lost my appetite, I haven't eaten in two days and I feel like if I do it will come right back up. I also have to be at work in five hours.
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[14 Jan 2008|09:14pm] |
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I really really hate you.
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| Yesterday was a very strange day. |
[09 Jan 2008|03:17pm] |
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The first day of spring semester was not anything great, but at least I didn't have to fight traffic to get to school. It was unexpectedly not very crowded and I was able to find a parking space pretty easily. After my last class I went to Travis' place to prepare for Science Adventures and we taught children how to be polymers... Well he did most of the teaching, I didn't know how good he is with kids. Anyway, after Science Adventures, we spotted Kristen on Horatio and decided to follow her home and say hello... Not a very well thought out move, we looked kind of creepy driving by and telling her that we had been following her. After some fajitas at El Potro we went back to his condo and he had it out with his brother, I left early but it apparently didn't end well. I called Alex on my way home and he gave me some strange news. Apparently Gregory had been at my house all day... Watching my TV, using my computer, etc. He came by to see if I was home in between classes (I guess he had a four hour break) and when he saw that I wasn't there he let himself in. Doesn't that sound like something straight out of a sitcom? I couldn't believe it! I mean, I can't say that if I were in the same position I would feel comfortable enough to hang out at Gregory's place by myself... I'm glad I left the door unlocked though, I would have felt horrible if he had to hang out in his car for four hours.
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| Iced coffee can be hard to find |
[08 Dec 2007|12:57am] |
I really hate central Orlando, it's just so ugly. I was spoiled for three years in Sanford, the downtown/historic area really is beautiful. I so so so wish there were a neighborhood with huge oak trees and brick roads that I could ride my bike through around here.
avn;slkdjf
I'm always afraid of running into my dad in Sanford because god knows he's always tooling around in his stupid van, he thinks he owns that town... My nightmare actually came true earlier tonight; Alex, Adam, & I decided to get some coffee at the new little restaurant off of Sanford Ave. at about 10:00. Dad and Kristin were sitting right in front of the door with their stupid iphones and phony smiles, there was no escaping it. I was stuck talking to them about christmas and school for a good 15 minutes. I feel like I should want to have a relationship with them but I really don't, I honestly wish I never had to see them again.
They both think that all is forgiven and that we're on great terms but the truth is that I can't bring myself to forgive them for anything. First of all they never apologized for throwing me out, they stand their ground that everything was 100% my own fault and that I could have made it work. They'll never know what they did to me, how seriously that change affected the end of my high school career. The last semester of high school was my worst, I missed more class than all four years combined in that 2 1/2 month time frame. I ended up earning nearly straight D's and losing all motivation to continue trying with everything. I didn't bother studying at all for any of my AP exams, I'm surprised I passed Lit. I nearly didn't graduate because of Government class, Mr. Sawyer gave me the grade I didn't deserve.
I hate them for everything they've done to me, for nearly sabotaging my chances of getting into college, for ruining the last three months of my senior year, but most of all for refusing to acknowledge that anything was their fault.
I'll never figure out what went wrong in their eyes, I really think I was the best case scenario teenager to have around. I had good grades, good friends, a steady job... I didn't party or do drugs, and I always set a positive example for my younger sister. It really baffles me when I think about what happened... and it makes me despise them even more.
v;anlskd;sklddddddddddddda;slkdj
I'm really glad I wrote all of that down, it actually made me feel better.
On a much brighter note, I got a 100% A+ on my Anthropology final! I had my American History exam this morning at 7, I never went to bed last night and I feel like I'm about to die right now.
My last two Finals are on Monday and then I am doooooone! Thank god. I'm really ready for a break, and I need to find a new job fo realz.
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| there's a frog in my house! |
[25 Nov 2007|11:34pm] |
TJ just imed me wanting to hang out, idkkkkkk what we're going to do but i'm glad that i'm able to have a chance at repairing an old friendship... even if it doesn't work out at least i'll know that we are no longer on bad terms.
i haven't had many close friends, but i'd like to fix things with anyone i've been close to and had a falling out with, excluding josh. unfortunately i don't think i'll have the chance to do so with a few people.
i hate knowing that someone really dislikes me for virtually no reason, there is only so much i can do after apologizing for a misunderstanding and offering to forget anything ever happened. i mean seriously, who blocks people on facebook?
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| I'm in love |
[24 Nov 2007|01:20pm] |
with Nellie Mckay.
lmvnas;lkjdf Giovanni's is calling me right now.
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| ! |
[08 Nov 2007|11:04pm] |
after watching mtv cribs i've decided that my life will not be complete until i have a really huge closet with a wall devoted solely to shoes, a big beautiful bathroom, and a california king bed.
i bought a juicer and a candle that smells exactly like pumpkin pie earlier. i'm drinking mango-apple juice, omgz it's so good!
the weather is so beautiful right now and it's really making a difference in my attitude, i cannot wait for the holidays... this time of year always cheers me up. alex is going to vermont in december so i'm going to be a little lonely in my tiny cold apartment:[ our three year anniversary is december 20th, i can't believe we've been together so long!
ugh, travis left his bass and amp here. it's right in front of my door and i have to squeeze through to get into my bedroom.
lkasndv;lkj i need to start on a paper for western civ.
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[09 Oct 2007|10:48pm] |
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man i wish the spice girls were coming to orlando.
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[23 Sep 2007|11:10pm] |
I'm in a great situation right now but I can't seem to make myself feel good about it.
I'm in college, I have my own space, I'm in an amazing long term relationship with a person that I truly love, I have a very easy well paying job with my mom, and I have more free time than I've ever had before. I should feel honored to have all of this but for some reason i just can't.
Maybe it's because I'm in the same place I've been all my life, maybe it's because of the non-existent relationship between my brother and my parents... Maybe it's because I feel like I could have accomplished more than this. Whatever the reason, I just can't shake this feeling and it's really bringing me down. I want to go somewhere, I need a vacation far far away from here.
I've been seriously considering studying abroad, the problem is that i don't have a major yet. I have no idea what the future holds for me... That could be an explanation for my uneasiness. I can't seem to figure out what a want to do with my life.
I don't miss high school at all, but there are a few relationships that I really wish were mendable. The happiest time of my life was sophomore year, which is ironic because going into it I was expecting it to be the worst. I somehow managed to find a group of people that I really connected to, half of whom I'm not even on speaking terms with now.
My brother is a father now, I guess that makes me an aunt. Aunt Sara, I like that sound of that. Abraham Richard Tolemayo Padgett is the most adorable baby I've ever seen.
I'm at a standstill right now, I can't figure out what's wrong with me.
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[21 Jun 2007|02:13pm] |
I started work at the oviedo store last night, it's close to the same but i'm really going to miss my lake mary crew. everything is changing and i'm not completely comfortable with it.
i will have moved into the poolhouse by next week, i've already started working at a different location, i start class at ucf on monday and i haven't spoken to anyone in about a month.
i'm only taking humanities this summer, hopefully it will be a lot more fun than delfeyette's class.
high school is finally over. i'm so excited to be finished with the constant conflict, jealousy and rumors. there are a select few who have decided to hold their grudges and be immature, but i think i'm over that. i don't care about what happened last year or the year before... i'm starting a new life with new goals. everything is changing for me and i'm taking it as positively as i can.
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[29 Mar 2007|11:12pm] |
i can't sleep... which really isn't good because i have to wake up a lot earlier than i used to. plus i have to work tomorrow.
i guess my dad called my grandparents today, second time in two months. wooo! i honestly don't have any positive things to say about that man. he's not my father, he just planted the sperm. jeff is my FATHER, the person who was there for me growing up and went through all of the parenting and hardships.
GOD.
i'm so flustered right now. i don't even know why. apparently this one kid is upset with me, but not anymore; only now i'm kind of mad at him. i don't know how to explain it, nevermind.
my calculator died and i didn't finish my homework. i'm really tired but can't sleep... alex and i have been looking at apartments and we found some pretty nice onces that are reasonabley priced. i'll be pretty excited if i can get him to get on the ball, man he needs a job.
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[28 Mar 2007|10:39pm] |
why is everything so frustrating?
aahhhhhhhhhh.
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[22 Feb 2007|10:30pm] |
my grandparents are helping out so much with everything, it's amazing. being 'kicked out' was the best thing to happen to me in a while. there are no more awkward afternoons, no more random fights and most importantly: no more step mothers.
i'm officially a knight, so i'm pretty siked about that... i'm currently typing away on my brand new laptop, the oil leak in my car is fixed, i don't have to worry about prom expenses or gas/toll money, and i have breakfast every morning.
life is good.
<3
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[06 Dec 2006|06:05pm] |
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[06 Sep 2006|07:40pm] |
oh man it's raining.
i can't remember the last time it poured like this... i feel for the drivers at giovanni's.
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[16 Jul 2006|10:38pm] |
ahh this is rediculous, it's only been three days and i'm going insane. there's still three days to go, too!
nalskdjf;alskdj this sucks so much.
i'm going to be pretty bored tomorrow and especially tuesday... asdflkaj;sdlfkj
i have to work all day wednesday.
THURSDAY better be fucking fantastic, though. ugh.
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